I want to become a candle in the darkness

It has been 10 years I live in dark side of this world. Knowing too much pain and something I was in middle of it and often it was me in that situation.

In that 10 years I got a lot of experience of life, the experience that often make me feel I don't have any strength to change anything even my own life.

In that 10 years I know a lot of what bad people think and I sometime I also think and do what they already have done even I know it was something prohibited but I still done it like I don't fear to all my sins that I already have.

In that 10 years I close my eyes and walking in dark side without any staff to helped me to know where do I would walk.

In that 10 years sometime I feel like I life in my dreams that will go whatever I want.

And the last few years I sometimes contemplate the sins I had done so far and I would often think to change to become a better person.

Slowly I changed but I still cannot resist the dark side in me that always beside me for those years andI was such a failure.

A couple weeks ago I meditate, because all this time since I was elementary school I was trying to resolve all of my problem and as time goes on all my problem I wasn't handle all of it alone and even I already have a girlfriend I don't wanna make her worried about me even sometime I tell her my problem but still I don't make her worried so I decide to make it as my own problem and I must resolve it or it will hard for me to go on and when I thinking all of my problem I realize that I am a sinner that maybe too much sins that I couldn't handle it by my own and that time too I remember Allah. 

Slowly I was able to feel how warm is it after you prayed to Allah.
Slowly I start again what I had done, I started to prayed intensively to Allah.
And slowly I feel like I have enough strength to change my own fate to a better life.

It's only need 10 years to make me realize it.
It's only in that 10 years I should live in the dark side of this world.
It's only in that 10 years I always running from the truth.

Now it's my time to change be a good person.
Now it's my time to change my fate.
Now it's the right time for me to be a candle in the darkness of the world that I lived during these years.